Golf and sex are often brought together. With sayings and jokes. For better or for worse. Would you like a taste? The former US golfer Jimmy Demaret said a really beautiful sentence: «Golf and sex are the only things that are fun, even if you're not a professional.»
We've been on the course for maybe 10 minutes and have putted for the first time. We are: Pascal Zuberbühler, who at least 79 percent of all Swiss know as Zubi. Former national goalkeeper. Today ambassador for the Zurich FIFA Museum. A towering man, tall, smart, no midlife crisis. Then: Christian Gross, at least 69 percent of all Swiss know him as the former football coach of FC Basel 1893. Not quite as tall, but also smart, Leo. And finally the author of these lines, who now asks Zubi a question: Can you understand the connection between golf and sex? Zubi laughs mischievously and remains silent. So much for that.
And now to golf: Zubi played a par first and says: «We can build on that!» But as we know, things can turn out a little differently in golf, and you would have to build Zubi up on the next tee shot if he wasn't such a generally good-natured person. Because the ball flies - quite far to the left and out of bounds. Can't be found anymore. And Christian Gross, who started with a bogey, also says after his second tee shot: «It can only get better.»
It is a wonderful day of golf on the course in Zuoz. With blue and white skies. Almost artistic cloud formations. With birdsong and a damn good mood. «We shake up the morning grumps,» says one. «If you want to have fun playing a round of golf, then we are the right people,» says the other. You can feel that Zubi and Gross are a well-rehearsed team, friends for many years. Football brought them together, and together they found golf. That was in 2011. At first they had little time to play. «Golf,» says Christian Gross, «is a technically very difficult sport. If the ball really does what you want it to, you can play on any course in the world. I think that's great.» We are now standing on the green of hole nine. A short break on the terrace of the Büvetta restaurant is tempting. And maybe that is the reason why Zubi's ball is not doing what it wants at the moment. It takes a while until it clicks in the lock. Zubi says: «I still need to practice putting. I just don't practice enough.» And then he adds: «As an athlete, you laugh when things aren't going well. But sometimes I could throw the club at the tree.»
The friendly owner of the buffet now serves meat salad (delicious!) and pretzels (fine!), and the author would like to cautiously return to this bat-tree situation. He asks: Why does no victory feel as good as defeat hurts? Christian Gross says: «Living out the emotions when you win something is the best thing of all. A great motivation for a team sport. Everyone has to deal with defeat individually. That's the hard part.»
Now you have to add that the two professionals have achieved a lot in football, are «downright privileged», as Christian Gross puts it with satisfaction and a pleasant understatement. There were defeats, of course. Zubi remembers a game in which FC Basel could have won its seventh championship title. Could have, mind you! Because in the 94th minute (injury time!) a ball flew towards him as goalkeeper, which he failed to catch. And FC Zurich won. Such moments, he says, are burned into your memory. «A shitty feeling!»
How do you get out of a situation where a bad phase on the golf course is tormenting your psyche? Christian Gross then tries to «keep concentrating fully and thus find his way back into the game and the flow.» Zubi says: «The more I focus, the worse it gets. I can't think too much. I put the ball down, hit it and pull through.» And that's what he does now on the tee on hole 10. He takes a swing, a quick click, the ball whizzes away and seems to want to land in Innsbruck. Perfect.
Question for Zubi: Is your ambition actually greater than your talent?
Zubi thinks for a moment and says: «That's quite possible. I would say it was my ambition as a goalkeeper. I wanted to get up there. And Christian as a coach always worked with visions, with the Matterhorn. That's where we want to go, he said, that was excellent.»
Christian Gross is now bringing a wonderful vision into play on the golf course too. We are now at tee 14, the last holes went well but not outstandingly, we walked along the fairways without talking much, united with the Engadin nature. Now and then a butterfly fluttered past, now and then a hare scurried away, now and then two boisterous squirrels scampered around a tree. «If one of us plays par on this hole,» says Gross, «I will buy a bottle of champagne later.» We tee off, toil and work and putt, with and without concentration. But luck is not on our side. Or should we say «skill»? Christian Gross will nevertheless offer a bottle of champagne later in the clubhouse - to get this out of the way. Yes, you do enjoy drinking to this relaxed round of golf! Anyone who knows the course in Zuoz knows exactly what it is like to stand at tee 18. You have been working out physically for hours and you take one last look at this seemingly endless and, above all, incredibly beautiful valley. The fairway is in front of you - the flag on the green is barely visible. You stand there and know: Now you have to hit it hard and remember what a great sport golf is, using such a small club to get such a small ball into such a far away and, above all, small hole. What a drive: all of our balls fly at a divine speed on a divine line.
And before we come to the - let's say - casual end to this unforgettable round of golf, a few more questions.
When did you last watch a women's football match from start to finish?
Christian Gross says: «It was the final between America and England, although I didn't watch it for 90 minutes.»
Zubi corrects: «That was America against the Netherlands. Women's football is super interesting. I'm also involved in it through FIFA. There are lots of requests from women for training as goalkeepers.»
What is the biggest football stadium in the world?
Zubi: «The Maracana in Rio. Right?»
Christian Gross: «I'll pass.»
It's the stadium in Pyongyang.
Which team has lost the most World Cup finals?
Christian Gross: «Ugh. Uruguay?»
No, Germany.
Which player brought in the highest transfer fee?
Zubi: «I'll pass.»
Christian Gross: «That must be Neymar.»
That's right. The transfer was paid for 222 million euros.
The most successful active golfer is Tiger Woods. What comes to mind when you hear his name?
Christian Gross: «Take a swing like him!»
Zubi: «A golf genius. I bet he putts better than me?»
